Jan. 13, 2012 at 3:14pm with 43 notes
dating
Being Frank

For all of you single people (and not-so-single-people, evidently) out there that partake in online/app dating:

Do you ever find yourself having embarrassingly shallow moments where you just want to be incredibly frank to people with shady photos trying to throw game your way?

I’m not trying to hate on you seemingly nice guys (actually, maybe I am) but is it really that hard to make your profile photos NOT seem questionable? When I see your profile, my face shouldn’t be doing this 

or this

and especially not this where I have to actually put my hand to my face.

C’mon, let’s face it- the reality is that dating websites and apps are largely about your photos. Am I right? I mean, if I look through 20 of your photos and I still haven’t got a damn clue what you look like, you’re clearly doing it all wrong.  Below are some shallow thoughts that I legitimately had while perusing profiles of guys trying to step to me:

1. Excuse me, do you have at least ONE photo of your FACE that’s not taken from like, 6,000 feet away?

2. I’m sorry but are you scared of the light? Because every photograph of you is taken in the shade, or in a very dark room, or in a corner.

3. Is that your hand or is that a claw?

4. Oh, where did you get that wig? Oh, that’s not a wig? Oh, ok. 

5. That’s a lovely photograph of you playing video games while you’re not even facing the camera. Sexy. 

6. Cool, look at all these group shots with really hot people… and you. Srsly though, learn to sell yourself. 

7. Um. Why are you sitting under a bridge on a blanket? Are you homeless or a real-life troll? 

Would it be wrong to be so frank where I actually communicated these thoughts to these people? I’d be a total dick, right? Probably. But I don’t know, there’s just something about the internet/app dating that makes me more critical and candid than in real life. I’m just saying, COME CORRECK, people. The internet is not that hard. 

  1. thisjelly said: i’ve been meaning to write this exact same post. i think someone should teach a class
  2. ray-ray said: JAUNDICE.
  3. flight101 said: Also, those who use non-human objects as their profile photos: gingahhh.tumblr.com/pos…
  4. gossipgirlonblast said: My absolute fave is when the self-description reads “Athletic,” but it’s absolutely clear from the photos that the only thing that bish was lifting that day was a Quarter Pounder. Or six.
  5. icecreamsandcake said: I would totally talk to guy under the bridge.
  6. icantwithyou reblogged this from choronda and added:
    CANT WITH THIS! TOO MUCH TRUTH....number 4, IM WEAK…..LMAO
  7. nailtipflips said: Roosters are loyal, trustworthy individuals who are blunt when it comes to offering their opinions. Their bluntness stems not from being mean but from being honest; a trait which Roosters expect from others.
  8. agoodstart said: is that a claw? haha!
  9. robinwhereartthou said: PREACH. PREACH. PREACH.
  10. choronda posted this